Touch the Dawn
by Sailor Elysia
Summary: Mamoru laments the loss of his parents, even after all these years. But what if life suddenly changed?
1. one

A HUGE thanks to Megs, who seriously helped me rewrite this into a better story. 

notes: 

"daisuki datta ano uta, furui tape no naka..."= line from Tooi Kono Machi de, a song featured in the 1st CCS movie 

Touch the Dawn 1/10   
by Elysia   
rating: PG-12.5 

"Touch the dawn,   
Reach for the blue skies,   
Infinite across the world." 

"How come you never told me how cute you were as a baby, Usa?" 

"What are you talking about, Mamo-chan?" 

Mamoru held up the photo album with a big grin. "You've never showed me these before. It's strange, but cute in a way, to see your girlfriend in diapers." 

Usagi dove for the book, only to miss and land face down on the couch. "When did you find that?" her muffled voice squawked. 

Mamoru laughed. "I was looking through your bookcase at your parents' house the other night and somehow landed on this little book." He grinned again. "This is priceless. I never knew you were so into making mud pies." 

She lunged for the book again, but he held it out of her grasp. She tumbled into Mamoru's lap and he stared down at her fondly, His hand brushed through her silky blonde hair. "Where's a camera when I need one?" 

Usagi slyly pulled Mamoru's head down to meet hers in a sweet kiss. He smiled lovingly at her when they pulled away, and before he knew it, Usagi snatched the album out of his hands. "I'm going to put this away so no one will ever find it again." 

Mamoru latched onto Usagi's waist, preventing her from moving "Usa... show me just a couple of pictures? Please?" 

She couldn't resist his pleading eyes. "All right... but only a few pages, then you have to go to bed and I have to go home. I do have to go to work in the morning." 

He grinned devilishly. "Of course, but wouldn't it be more fun if you stayed the night?" 

"Mamo-chan!" she smacked him playfully. "Of course I know," she said lowly, pushing him back onto the couch, "but you and I both know that would get us in trouble." 

"Mmm, and I like trouble where you're concerned," he replied playfully. 

Usagi blushed bright red and giggled. Sliding her arms around his neck, she purred, "Well, what's a little trouble now and then?" 

Mamoru's eyes flashed with desire and he tackled her onto the couch, causing her to squeal loudly when his hands found her ticklish spots. 

"Mamo-chan! Stop! No more..." she said between giggles. Mamoru's roving hands finally stopped, clasping around Usagi's stomach as they curled up together. Usagi picked up the photo album from where it had fallen on the floor and started to flip through the pages. 

"This one is when I was in my first play," Usagi pointed out a picture of a little blonde girl in the line of brightly dressed children. 

"You're missing your two front teeth." 

She blushed. "Well, I kinda fell out of a tree the day before." she giggled. 

Mamoru asked about other pictures as they flipped through the book, while Usagi related countless stories about each one. After a while, he leaned back and closed his eyes, listening to the voice of his beloved. It was warm, inviting, and made him feel safe. 

"Mamo-chan, I want to see your pictures." 

Her comment jolted him out of his trance. He stared at her in bewilderment, wondering why she had said such a thing. Her hand flew to her mouth and she gasped. "Oh, Mamo-chan, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to--" Choking on her words, she looked as if she were about to cry. 

Mamoru quickly slipped an arm around her. "Shhh, Usa, don't worry about it. I know you didn't realize." 

She shook her head, tears escaping down her cheeks. "I wasn't thinking, I should have known better." Instead of snuggling deeper into his embrace, Usagi got up from the couch and grabbed her jacket from the chair. "It's late, I ought to be getting home." 

Mamoru got up and followed her. He grabbed hold of her wrist. "Usako, please don't leave. I'm not angry." 

Usagi gave him a small, sad smile. "I know you're not, Mamo-chan, but it really is getting late." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow?" 

He nodded but before she could go out the door, Mamoru pulled Usagi back into a warm embrace, burying his face in her sweet smelling hair. "I love you... my beloved Usako," he murmured. She returned his hug and kissed him again. With a gentle smile, she replied, "I love you too, Mamo-chan." And before he could say anything to that, she was gone. 

Every time Usagi left, his apartment felt empty, like only half of it existed when he was there alone. She was his light in the darkness, and he loved her deeply for it. Even though he usually joked about it, he wanted her to stay the night, sleep by his side and never leave him alone again. But he was more honorable than that, and knew that would only happen when the time was right for both of them. But not now. They were comfortable right now and he was in no hurry to change that. Not while she was still so young. 

Maybe that was his problem, Mamoru mused as he flopped back down on the couch. Usagi seemed quieter than usual lately and he couldn't figure out why. Maybe she wanted more from him than he was giving. Had it been her sudden comment about his pictures that had worried her so much? 

He didn't have any childhood pictures, at least, none that he knew of. Only one photo had remained with him all these years. Grasping the only picture he had of his parents, he stared at it intently, wishing that the photo before him was more than just a faded memory. 'If only...' his mind whispered, 'if only they were still here... what would my life be like?' He set the frame back onto its rightful shelf, retreated into his bedroom and lay silently until sleep claimed him. 

And as Chiba Mamoru slept, the earth beneath him heard the pleas of his heart and granted their prince's request. 

****** 

_"...daisuki datta ano uta, furui tape no naka..."_ the clock radio suddenly started to blare. Mamoru instinctively reached a hand out from under his pillow. He blindly felt around on the nightstand until he found the snooze button. "Just another nine minutes," he mumbled groggily. 

A small crash and the clinking of dishes in the kitchen finally woke him up. With a small grin, Mamoru climbed out of bed and stretched, thinking of some way to thank his darling Usa for coming over early to make him breakfast. He knew that last night was just a misunderstanding and now she was trying to make up for it. How he loved her. She would even come over on a Monday morning—when it normally took her forever to get out of bed—and make him breakfast. 

That made him stop. Usagi was not the best cook in the world, a fact she had even admitted to many times. So why in the world did it smell so good? 

As he stepped out of his bedroom and stood in the hallway, he could hear someone moving around in the kitchen. Taking a few more steps, Mamoru heard someone singing along to the radio, but it didn't sound like Usagi. Finally he rounded the corner and to his surprise found a dark haired woman hovering over the stove. 

Mamoru sneezed and the woman turned around, startled. Her face softened when she saw him. "You're finally awake, Mamoru. I was beginning to think that you'd never see the light of day. I made you a little something to eat before you go to work, all you live on is coffee and it isn't good for you." 

With wide eyes, Mamoru stared at her, unable to make his mouth work. At first he thought he wasn't fully awake yet, so his mind must be playing tricks on him. Yes, yes, that was it. He just needed to wake up. He rubbed his eyes, thinking that all would be normal when he opened them again. 

It wasn't. 

The dark-haired woman still stood there, smiling brightly at him. "Go sit down and I'll bring this over to you," she said sweetly. At that moment Mamoru regained the ability to speak. Unfortunately, his first words that Monday morning got him in trouble. "Who the hell are you?" 

The woman's eyes widened in shock. "I don't know where you've picked up such language, Chiba Mamoru, but you will not speak to your mother that way!" 

Mamoru slumped to the floor in a dead faint. 

****** 

The first thing Mamoru saw when he awoke was the stark white ceiling. Relief washed over him like a wave. _'It was only a dream,'_ he told himself. He had never had a dream that vivid before, and he hoped to heaven that he would never have one like that again. 

Reality suddenly hit him and he jumped up. It was Monday morning, and he only had a short time to get ready for work. Running to the closet, Mamoru quickly pulled out a dress shirt, slacks and tie and threw them on in record time. 

As he sprinted into the kitchen to make himself a quick cup of coffee, he skidded to a stop. "Please don't tell me it's turned into a nightmare," he groaned. 

The dark haired woman stood at the sink, finishing up the last of the dishes. She turned to greet Mamoru as he entered the kitchen. "Are you feeling better? You were out for about an hour." 

"An hour!" he exclaimed. "Why didn't you wake me sooner?" He didn't have time to argue with this woman, whoever she was. 

She shook her head. "You look like you needed the rest. But you certainly had me worried. I almost called your father." 

Mamoru dropped his mug and it fell to the counter with a large clunk. "My father? This has got to be some sick joke. Who are you and what do you want with me?" The woman placed a hand on Mamoru's head, worry creasing tiny lines across her face. "You're acting a little strangely, Mamoru. Are you sure you didn't hit your head earlier? Maybe you shouldn't go into work today." 

Mamoru flung himself away from her, keeping his distance from the strange woman. "I don't know what kind of scam you're trying to pull, but it's not going to work. If you leave now, I won't call the police and we can forget this ever happened." 

She suddenly laughed. "Oh, you can be quite the actor sometimes, Mamoru. Now eat before it gets any colder." 

"I'm not doing anything until you tell me who you are!" 

The lady tilted her head slightly. "All right, if you want it that way, I am Chiba Nagisa, wife to Chiba Hokori and mother to you, Chiba Mamoru." 

"That's IMPOSSIBLE!" Mamoru cried out desperately. "I have no parents! They died when I was 6 years old!" He trembled as he spoke. 

"I'm going to call your father and tell him you're not coming into work today. You're not well," Nagisa replied slowly as she led Mamoru over to a chair. "I don't work for my father," he mumbled incoherently. "I work for Azabu Tech." 

"Oh, Mamoru," she said somberly. "You must have hit your head and I just didn't see it happen. Don't move, I'll notify your father and then I'll stay here to take care of you." 

Mamoru nodded numbly, his energy spent from his sudden explosion. He watched as Nagisa picked up the phone and dialed a few numbers. "Hai, please tell Chiba-san that Mamoru will not be coming into the office today. Hai. If Chiba-san has any questions he can call Mamoru's apartment. Hai, that's correct. Thank you." 

Mamoru got up to leave. "I have to get to work." 

"You're not going anywhere, Mamoru, until you get some more rest. Why don't you get out of those nice clothes before they wrinkle and I'll make you some hot tea." 

"But--" 

"No exceptions! Now go!" 

Mamoru sighed and retreated to his bedroom to change, not noticing the other frames that now surrounded the framed picture of his parents. 


	2. two

kudos to Lelu for providing me with a poem to put at the beginning of each chapter. ^_^ 

notes: 

chichue -- humble way to say "father"   
hahaue -- humble way of saying "mother" 

"Touch the dawn,   
Reach for the heavens,   
Be dazzled by the brightness." 

Touch the Dawn 2/10   
By Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]   
Rated: somewhere in the PG range. 

****** 

It wasn't until the next afternoon that Mamoru finally escaped Nagisa's watchful eye. She left his apartment to run a few errands and he saw his chance. He HAD to find Usagi and see if she knew what was going on. All last night and that morning Mamoru tried to contact Usagi, but there was no answer at her apartment. Not even her answering machine with her usual cheery voice picked up. Where could she be? He had to contact Usako, now! He needed her more than ever, because she could comfort him and he could figure out why today had been such a bizarre day. 

Usagi was the only one he could count on now. 

****** 

After spending a good part of the day trying to track Usagi down, Mamoru decided to go home. She hadn't answered her phone, nor had she been at her apartment. Mamoru didn't call her parents because he remembered at the last minute that they were out of town on a cruise. 

When he returned to his apartment, Mamoru was relieved to find it still empty. All he wanted was some peace and quiet, time to think things over. What he really wanted was to find Usagi and talk things over with her. She always knew how to find solutions to even his most stressful problems. 

As he crossed the living room to the kitchen, his gaze fell on the framed photo of his parents that he had been looking at the night before. Peering closely at it, he realized that Nagisa heavily resembled the woman in the picture, as if she were a twin. But that was impossible. Nagisa was not his mother, she couldn't be. The only vivid memory Mamoru had from his past was the doctor telling him he had been the only one to survive the car crash. 

To his surprise, another frame sat next to it, this one of the same people, but the young boy in the picture was dressed in a soccer uniform, holding up a ball proudly. Next to that was one with the man and the boy, holding up two large fish at the edge of a huge lake. 

Where in the world had these photos come from? He knew none of these events had really happened... but strangely enough as he stared harder and harder at the pictures, they began to play out scenes in his mind. Suddenly he could smell the fresh air, feel the cold water as it splashed upon him in the tiny boat he and his father had been sitting in for three hours... 

No, no, NO! This was INSANE! Mamoru whirled away from the photos and fell into a chair. This couldn't be! These memories that should have been his were lost when he was only six. Why were non-existent moments from his past appearing NOW? 

His eyes lifted once more and this time his gaze fell upon the only picture that was familiar to him. Little things suddenly stared him in the face, like the different frame and the careful handling the picture received over the years. Slowly he sat up and took the frame into his hands, allowing the beveled edges to press firmly into his palms. "Chichue..." he mumbled, foreign tears welling up in his eyes as he did so, "Hahaue...why did you leave me alone?" 

"We're right here, Mamoru," a voice suddenly said from behind him. "I see you're looking at that picture again. That was taken at your birthday party. Your father got a new camera and he was trying it out on everything. He finally got a decent picture of the three of us that day." Nagisa stood in the room now, setting her coat and purse on the chair opposite Mamoru. A man in his mid 40s followed her into the room, staring at him. Mamoru stared back, shocked at the resemblance he could see between this man and himself. 

"Don't you understand?" Mamoru exclaimed. "You cannot be my mother, nor can he be my father," he said with certainty. "I lost both of them in a car accident when I was six years old." 

Nagisa's face suddenly paled. "You still remember that?" She glanced over to Hokori, who had a similar expression on his face. 

"What do you mean, 'still remember?' That's the only thing I remembered after I woke up." 

Nagisa began to pace the room, her hand pressed to her mouth. Hokori silently reached out to grasp Nagisa's arm and sat down on the sofa with her. "We had no idea you remembered the accident. The doctors told us you had suffered some memory loss when you hit your head, so we assumed that you didn't know what had happened to you. I'm so sorry, Mamoru." 

Mamoru's eyes narrowed. "What really happened?" 

"I wish that was the part you could remember. We were taking a drive in the country, and you and I were singing along with radio. Your father turned to smile back at you and that was at the same time that he was rounding the bend." 

"It was at that moment that headlights flashed at us," Hokori added. "You spotted them first, yelled and then I quickly swerved out of the way. When we came to a stop, we were just inches from going over the edge of a steep cliff. Your mother had a broken arm and I had many cuts and bruises, but you were the worst off. They kept you in the hospital for 3 weeks, not sure if you were going to pull through." 

Mamoru shook his head wildly, not knowing what to believe. "How am I supposed to believe you if I don't remember any of this?" 

Nagisa smiled calmly and without warning, pressed her hand to his hairline. "You still have a scar from when you hit your head. The doctors stitched you up quickly so it wouldn't be too visible. You can barely see it now, but you can feel it." His eyes widened as he slid his hand up to the place where her hand had been previously and felt along his scalp. 

She was telling the truth. 


	3. three

"Touch the dawn,   
Reach for the sugar-white clouds,   
Try to taste them." 

Touch the Dawn 3/10   
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]   
rating: PG 

Hokori looked up as the door to his office opened and Mamoru stepped in, obviously unfamiliar with his surroundings. He quickly glanced at the framed awards and degrees Hokori had hanging on his wall among pictures of family and friends. The faces in the pictures pulled at dim memories in Mamoru's mind, but it was nothing more than that. The older man smiled slightly. "Mamoru, I'm glad you're here. After last night, I wasn't sure if you would ever be coming into work again." 

Mamoru attempted a smile. "You're going to have to tell me what I'm supposed to do around here, Hokori-san, because I really don't know what I'm doing." 

Hokori frowned at his son's formality. It was odd for his son to act in such a manner. Even if Mamoru had surprised both he and Nagisa by blowing up events that happened over 17 years ago that he had not known of before, Hokori couldn't understand why such minor details were of such importance to his son. And why did he insist upon pretending like he didn't know his own parents? Could he not see how much it hurt his mother? "Mamoru, when are you going to give up this childish ruse and get down to business? You know how much I depend on your to get things done around here. I've never seen you like this before." 

"If I knew what was going on, I would. Nagisa-san might have known about the scar, but that doesn't mean I'm going to believe all of this overnight. So don't talk to me about being childish. You have no idea what I've been through!" 

"Perhaps I don't," Hokori replied, shaking his head, "but I don't want this to affect your work. You have a very important job, Mamoru, and you are very important to this company. We have a reputation to maintain." 

"I understand, sir," Mamoru replied stiffly. "Just tell me where I need to go and I'll make the best of the situation." 

Hokori sighed. "I don't exactly have the time to take you on a guided tour of the office. There's too much to be done today. Your office is 3 doors down the hall. You'll be sharing it with Tsukino-san because you're both working on the same project at the moment. She may be only an intern, but she works faster and better than some of my best employees. She'll get you up to speed on anything you missed yesterday and she can also answer most of your questions. Think you can handle that?" 

Mamoru stared woodenly at the man sitting behind the desk who was so similar and yet so different to him. "Yes, sir," he replied and left the office, shaking his head slightly. That man was certainly different from the one he had seen last night. Unconsciously his hand drifted up to his head, gently fingering the faint scar hidden in his hairline. Scar or no scar, he still couldn't believe that either of these people were really his parents. 

Entering his office, Mamoru stared about the room, filled with two desks and an ample amount of other furniture. Tall windows framed one wall of the office. This didn't seem so bad after all. 

"Are you just going to stand there all day, or are you going to let me through so I can get some work done? I've been swamped since you didn't come in yesterday. It's much easier with two people, you know." 

Mamoru froze. He knew that voice all too well. It was the voice of the angel who could restore him to his former life. Slowly he turned around. "Usako... I've been trying to find you for two days! You don't know how glad I am to see you." 

Her eyebrows shot up and she glanced quizzically at him through her thin frames. "I don't recall being so familiar with you, Mamoru-san. Just because you're the son of the CEO doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. Maybe once we've worked together a little longer, we can be on more friendlier terms. At the moment, I am just your co-worker, and I would appreciate it if you would treat me as such." 

He reeled back in shock. How could she act like she didn't even know him? Was she really hurt over the events of the other night? She wasn't one to play such a mean joke on him. "Usagi... look at me and tell me you remember me... you're the only one I can count on now." 

She sighed. "Mamoru-san, I need your help getting these files completed. I need to feel like I'm accomplishing something around here." 

"Usagi, I need your help with more than just these stupid files!" he pleaded desperately. She turned around and stared at him, her gaze softening slightly. 

For a split second, a foreign memory flashed within her mind, but she gave it no thought. "Mamoru-san... perhaps you shouldn't have come in today. I'll take care of the papers instead," she said, walking over to her desk. 

Mamoru caught Usagi by the arm. "Please. Usagi, you have to believe me. Something strange is happening to me. I--" 

Usagi pulled her arm away from his grasp. "You shouldn't be touching me like that. We're not lovers, just co-workers. Personal feelings really shouldn't get mixed into business. You said so yourself when we were put on these projects last month. 'Our history with each other doesn't matter when work is on the line.' Would you like me to go on?" 

"How is everything going in here?" a voice from behind Mamoru said. He whirled around to find Hokori standing in the doorway, looking at both he and Usagi. Mamoru cringed, hoping that he hadn't witnessed the previous events. 

Before Mamoru could open his mouth, Usagi beat him to it. "Everything's under control, sir. Mamoru-san and I were just arguing over which file we should go through first." 

Hokori chuckled and nodded. "I can always count on you to keep my son in line, Tsukino-san. Keep up the good work." 

Usagi smiled. "Yes, sir." Hokori left the room and immediately Mamoru walked over to her desk. "You just bailed me out. How come?" She shrugged, not looking up from her work. "I didn't think you needed to be chewed out by your father when you're still so delusional." 

"Usa--" he started to protest, but quickly caught himself before she glared at him again. "Thank you... Usagi-san," Mamoru finally said, feeling so formal and foreign in her presence. 

****** 

Only a few days had passed, but to Mamoru, it seemed like months. Day after day, he worked in the same room with the woman he loved, only she refused to acknowledge it and he couldn't exactly force her to believe it. 

So he resorted to gazing at Usagi, but he was also careful to make sure she didn't catch him at it. And so far, Mamoru had been pretty successful at his Usa-watching. As long as she didn't notice, he was safe. Unless... 

"Mamoru-san?" Usagi stared at him. 

Oops. 

"Is something bothering you? Or is there something wrong with my appearance? I'm not stupid, Mamoru-san. I know you've been staring at me." 

Mamoru hesitated, then shook his head. "It's nothing." 

Usagi raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Like I'm going to believe that. You've been staring so hard I thought you were trying to look through me." 

"When did you become so formal?" he blurted out, springing up from his desk. "You're not the same. We've been together for over five years, yet... it's like you don't even know me, Usa. Where did you go?" Before she could make a retort about him using her first name so intimately, Mamoru interrupted her. "I miss the old Usa... I want her back." 

"Two years." 

"Excuse me?" 

Usagi also stood up from her desk. "We've only known each other for two years, not including the years when you used to tease me unmercifully while I was still in high school. When I came to work for your father, you promised me that you wouldn't treat me like you used to, and I believed you. I don't know what's happened to you, but I don't feel comfortable with you talking to me like that. What would your father say if he knew that you were bending the rules of his company? I would think you'd remember him saying over and over during the last few monthly meetings that employees were to refrain from relationships in or outside the office." 

He had to keep from dropping his jaw. In his mind, the teasing had brought them to the relationship that Mamoru remembered so well. Where had things changed? 

He had to try once more. "What would it take for you to believe me?" 

"Believe what?" 

"That you and I belong together, not just as a professional working team, but as so much more." He reached out to pull her body closer to him, hoping to break through her stone walls. 

And it was at that moment that Usagi slapped him. 


	4. four

Who knew I could write a chapter in one day? 

"Touch the dawn,   
Reach for the rainbow,   
Become the colors." 

Touch the Dawn 4/10   
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]   
Rated PG/PG-13 

Mamoru suddenly shot up out of bed, breathing heavily. He looked about the dim room, his eyes adjusting to the dark and taking in his surroundings. He ran a shaky hand through his tousled hair, stood up and made his way over to the window. 

_'Had it all been a dream?'_ Mamoru thought to himself, as he stared out at the setting sun. It seemed so real, so vivid that he might have actually believed the events of the past week really happened. 

He padded across the room in his stocking feet, planning to fix himself a soothing cup of tea and a call to Usagi to calm his nerves. As Mamoru entered the other room, he was greeted by an all too familiar figure. 

"Mamoru, you had me so worried! Your father called me at home and said that you left work without saying a word to anyone. I rushed right over here to make sure you were all right. What's wrong, sweetheart?" Nagisa gazed at him with worry. 

Mamoru sighed. This was no dream. 

It was a never-ending nightmare. 

****** 

"You're refusing to go to work?" Nagisa exclaimed. "What am I going to tell your father?" 

"I can't get anything accomplished there," he replied, sipping at his tea. "Hokori-san insists that I work together with Usa...Usagi-san," he caught himself, "and I just can't seem to get anything done when I'm in the same room with her." 

"Aha," Nagisa smiled knowingly. "You're attracted to her, aren't you?" 

Mamoru nearly choked. 

"I'm right, aren't I?" 

He shook his head. "I can't be attracted to her because we work together... and she's too damn cold and professional! I don't know how anyone could stand to be around her for more than 5 minutes without wanting to throttle her!" 

Nagisa laughed. "Oh my, this is past simple attraction. You're completely gone on her. How long has this been going on?" 

Mamoru stared at her, wondering how she could see through him so easily. "You wouldn't exactly believe me if I told you." 

"I'm your mother, of course I'll believe you." 

Shaking his head, Mamoru sighed and pushed away his empty teacup. "You didn't believe me when I tried to tell you before." Nagisa frowned. "You're not talking about your silly little notion that you've been alone for the last 17 years, are you? What does this have to do with your co-worker?" 

"I told you you wouldn't understand." 

Nagisa reached across the table and laid her hand on top of Mamoru's. "Tell me anyway. I promise I'll listen." 

He didn't move away. "For the last 17 years, the only life I had ever known was being alone. I had no memory of my childhood, but I still managed to make a life for myself, and I didn't accept any pity for what I had lost. I met Usagi about 5 years ago and she completely changed me. At first I teased her all the time and we constantly fought, but we eventually got used to each other, and before I knew it we were inseparable. 

"Then one morning last week I wake up, and find it's all been taken away from me, and replaced with you and Hokori-san claiming to be my parents. Suddenly I have thousands of new memories, but I still remember the old ones at the same time. I don't understand why I'm the one having to go through this." 

"I'm sorry." 

For what?" 

Nagisa wiped away a stray tear. "Because you had to go through this 'other life' all alone. We should have been there for you." 

Mamoru's eyes widened. "You-you believe me?" 

"I'm not sure what to believe. Perhaps you really need some help working through these strange 'memories' of yours, but I can't exactly call my own son a liar. I can't deny what you've told me." 

"Thank you, I think." It felt odd to have this unfamiliar woman agree with his story, but Mamoru didn't feel like debating that fact any further. 

"So you knew Usagi-san before, but now, she doesn't remember you?" 

"She knows me," Mamoru corrected her, "but she doesn't remember 'us.' I tried to convince her the other day." 

"And what happened?" 

"She slapped me." 

Nagisa winced. "Sounds just like your father. He had a bit of his own trouble when he first met me. No wonder you don't want to go back to work." 

Mamoru nodded. "I'm not ready to face her yet. Not if she won't listen to me." 

Nagisa looked thoughtful. "Maybe I can help you grab her attention again." 

****** 

Mamoru strolled into the office bright and early the next morning, even beating Hokori. He wasn't a bit surprised to seeing Usagi already there, deeply engrossed in the contents of a file. 

"Good morning, Usagi-san," he called out, making his way to his desk. She made a small noise in reply but didn't look up. 

He smiled. "Don't I deserve more than that?" 

Usagi dropped her pen on the desk and flashed Mamoru a quick smile. "Good morning, Mamoru-san. I wasn't expecting to see you here today." 

"Oh really? And why not?" 

She removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. "After your little show the other day, I honestly think you wouldn't come near me for a while." 

Mamoru raised his eyebrows. "That's what you think." 

Usagi glared at him. "Never mind. Let's just try to get something accomplished today, okay? I want to make my time here worthwhile." 

"I plan to," he replied, but he didn't sit at his desk. Instead, Mamoru walked over to Usagi's desk and placed the palms of his hands on the edge, just staring at her. 

With a sigh, she threw down her pen again and stared up at him. "What do you want now, Mamoru-san?" 

He cracked a smile. "I want you to go out with me." 

Her eyes widened twice their size. "Are you INSANE? For one thing, it's against company policy. Just ask your father. He's the one who issued the rule. And two, what makes you think I'd ever go out with you?" 

"Because I'm... cute?" 

Usagi almost threw her pen in Mamoru's face. "Ha! Keep on dreaming then, Mamoru-san, because it'll never happen." 

Mamoru turned around and leaned on the edge of her desk, looking nonchalantly around the room. "Try relaxing once in a while, Odango Atama." 

She froze. "What did you just call me?" 

"You heard me." 

Usagi slowly stood and came around to the front of her desk so she could face him. He could see the blood rushing to her face in anger and the veins threatening to pop. "No one," she seethed, "gets away with calling me that and lives!" She leapt at Mamoru, intending to claw his eyes out. "You can't call me that anymore! I haven't worn my hair like that in years." 

He laughed loudly, fighting off her flailing hands easily. "You can do better than that, can't you, Odango?" Mamoru teased. Usagi scowled and tried to slap him again. 

At that moment, Mamoru caught both of Usagi's arms and pinned them to her sides. Her eyes widened as he advanced on her, their faces getting closer and closer. "You know this is so against company policy," she mumbled. 

Mamoru felt the heat rising between them as he pulled Usagi in close. "Damn the company policy. Sometimes you're just too professional for your own good." Usagi gave him a quirky smile. "I like being professional, thank you very much. Makes me feel like I've accomplished something." 

He was about to close the remaining gap between them when the door suddenly opened and Hokori boomed a loud 'good morning' to both of them as he walked by. Quick as a flash, Usagi was out of his arms and back at her desk, organizing some loose papers. Mamoru groaned audibly and turned back to his own work, kicking himself as he went. But before he sat down, he looked once more at Usagi. "So you'll think about what I asked, right?" 

Usagi's head whipped up, her sparkling blue eyes gazing firmly at Mamoru. He swore he could see a tiny bit of blush in her cheeks. "What did you ask again?" 

"If you would go out with me." 

She looked away, but for a split second, he thought he saw a hint of a smile appear. "We'll see." 


	5. five

angels sleep, but only for today   
close your eyes, make a wish   
tomorrow it would fade   
touch the dawn, forget eternity   
but never fear, for I will be here with you   
every step of the way 

Touch the Dawn 5/10   
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]   
rated: PG/PG-13 

"I can't believe you actually convinced me to do this." 

"I didn't twist your arm or anything. If you didn't want to come, you should have said something." 

She shot him a look. "You probably tuned me out after the first hundred times or so." 

"Just give me a chance. What makes you think I'm so bad anyway?" 

"Because you're being so obnoxious. I know I'm probably going to regret this," she sighed. 

Mamoru chuckled. "Glad you're starting to see it my way." 

****** 

The night had started out rather peacefully. Mamoru had been on edge ever since the day Usagi finally said she would go out with him, though she protested loudly and often before actually giving in. He picked her up an hour before, commenting on her lovely deep blue dress that brought out the depths of her eyes. She always knew how to dress fashionably, no matter the occasion. 

He wanted this night to be perfect so he could show Usagi just how much he cared about her. He had to do something to help her remember. So far, nothing was jogging her memory. Certain phrases and objects that she would normally understand meant nothing to her. Inwardly, Mamoru sighed. He needed a Plan B. 

But where could he find a Plan B at the last minute? 

The wheels continued to turn in his head as he pulled out the chair from the table for Usagi. Reservations at one of the more popular restaurants in Azabu seemed to impress her, though she didn't show it. He took the seat across from her, giving her a gentle smile as he sat down. "I've heard some good things about this place." 

She smiled back, her tiny diamond earrings sparkling as she looked around the dimly lit room. "It's beautiful." Her eyes strayed to the back of the room where the floor was cleared of all tables and chairs. "What's that space for?" 

Mamoru grinned. "Oh, didn't I tell you? They offer dancing here as well." 

Usagi's eyes widened and a small suspicious grin flitted upon her lips. "You conveniently forgot that fact, didn't you?" 

"Of course." 

She shook her head. "Don't expect anything extra from me, Chiba. You're lucky you got this far." 

Mamoru tried to play innocent. "Do you think I would try anything? I thought you knew me better than that." 

Usagi threw him a look. "I really don't know you all that well. We've been working together for nearly a year but we always talk business. I guess this is a good time to talk personal." 

Mamoru's eyebrows shot up. "Are you the same Tsukino Usagi that I work with? The one who insists upon being so professional every day that it would probably kill her to be casual for even an hour?" 

"I know when I'm being mocked." 

He shook his head. "Look, I just want to have a nice evening with you, without any of our work interfering. Is that too much to ask, Usagi?" 

Her eyes narrowed. "I thought I told you before that--" 

"That you wouldn't allow me to speak to you so informally, I know, I know," Mamoru interrupted. "But we're not at work. Would it kill you to call me something a little less formal?" 

Usagi sighed. "All right, but just for tonight... Mamoru." 

He grinned brightly. Finally they were getting somewhere! Only 999 more steps to complete, and maybe they'd be back to the way they were... but damn, she was a hard egg to crack. 

The waiter came and went, giving them a few more minutes to chat before their food arrived. In those few moments, Usagi began to open up to Mamoru, allowing him a glimpse of the woman that he loved so much. He wanted so badly to let her know his feelings, but with the way things had been going, common sense told him it was better to wait. 

"You were right, Mamoru-san, the food here is really good!" Usagi exclaimed as she ate her entrée. Mamoru chuckled, watching her relish her food. There were some things about her that would never change. She stopped eating for a moment and looked at him. "Are you all right? You're not eating." 

Oops. She caught him staring again. "I...uhh... it's fine," he fumbled, cutting his steak and popping a piece into his mouth. She was right. The food here was delicious. He made a mental note to return here in the future. 

Halfway through the meal, Mamoru caught Usagi staring at the wooden dance floor again. Setting down his fork quietly, he reached over and took her hand, startling her out of her reverie. "Wouldst the lady care to join me for a dance?" 

She blushed. "I don't know, I've never been a very good dancer..." 

Seeing him pout made her laugh. "All right, I accept your offer. But don't say I didn't warn you." 

Taking her by the arm, Mamoru led Usagi out to the floor, took her in his arms and began to sway gently to the slow music playing in the background. This was the way things should have been, the way they always were... 

This was home. 

Usagi shifted in his arms, gently laying her head upon his shoulder. He caught sight of the troubled look on her face. "What's wrong, Usagi?" he asked quietly. 

She didn't answer for a moment. "I don't know... it's like I've been here before, even though I know I never have. Like I've danced with you before." 

"But you haven't?" 

She shook her head. "Yes... no... I'm not sure. I don't remember. It's not like we ever did something like this when I was younger." She tugged on a loose strand of hair. "Something must be wrong with me. I haven't been sleeping very well lately." 

Mamoru looked down at her as she pulled away slightly. "But you're always so early to the office. You still beat me even when I woke up at an unearthly hour just to see if I could beat you." 

She smiled sadly. "I have nothing else to do but be early to work. My work is my life." "I was right. You are too professional. Don't you know it's unhealthy to work too much?" he teased. 

Usagi stared at him. "Am I really that horrible, Mamoru? Do I make it seem that all I ever do is work?" A lone tear trailed down her cheek. "All I ever wanted was to be successful. I wanted to make up for my clumsiness when I was back in school." 

He pulled Usagi close to him, whispering and reassuring her. This was the first he'd ever seen her unsure of herself. It was as if she had suddenly become the girl when he first met her. "Don't worry, Usagi," he whispered in her ear. "You'll always be successful. Just don't forget that work isn't the only important thing." 

She sniffled and he dug into his pocket for a handkerchief. Mamoru dabbed at her teary eyes with it, winning a slight smile from her. "Thank you, Mamoru. This is a side of you I don't think I've ever seen." 

He grinned and winked. "Well, there's plenty more where that came from. I'd be glad to show it to you all the time." 

Usagi playfully slapped him on the arm. "I told you not to press your luck with me, mister. You're fortunate you even got this far." 

Mamoru leaned in dangerously close. "I know," he murmured, just inches away from her face. 

She blinked, unable to move away. "Who are you, Chiba Mamoru? Why do you do this to me?" 

They stood like that a few moments longer, just staring at one another, until Usagi stepped away. "It's late, Mamoru-san," she mumbled, slipping back into her use of the honorific. She walked off the dance floor and grabbed her purse. "They're probably waiting on us to close up." He nodded, grabbed their coats and escorted her out of the restaurant. 

****** 

"So tell me truthfully, Usagi. Did you enjoy yourself tonight?" 

She smiled brightly and nodded, standing next to her apartment door. "Surprisingly, yes. I wasn't really expecting such an exquisite night from you." 

Mamoru grinned. "What were you expecting? Take out and a rented movie?" 

"It... crossed my mind," she admitted. 

He laughed. "Glad you think so highly of me." Usagi looked horrified. "No, that's not what I meant!" 

He took a step closer to her. "I know. I was just teasing. You're different from the person I picked up tonight. You look relaxed." 

"I am relaxed," she confessed. "I haven't felt so unrestrained for a long time. I guess I have you to thank for that, Mamoru-san." She looked up at him and smiled. "So I guess this is good night, right?" 

Mamoru returned the smile. "So tomorrow it's back to formality?" 

Usagi shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose, even though I don't mind so much any more. After only one night I feel like I've known you for years." 

_'You have, Usako... if only you could remember...' _

He took her hands in his again. "Thank you for going out to dinner with me. Maybe we'll do this again?" 

"Maybe..." she trailed off, then burst into laughter. "Now I know why they always say the doorstep scene is always awkward." Usagi leaned forward and impulsively hugged Mamoru. "I'll see you tomorrow, all right?" With that, she slipped inside her apartment, smiling as she closed the door. 

"YES!" he cheered triumphantly to himself. Things were looking up after all. 

****** 

Usagi wasn't in the office the next morning when Mamoru arrived. This worried him because she never missed a day of work and it wasn't like her to come in late. 

Nagoya, the secretary at the front desk, refused to tell him anything. "I told you, Mamoru-san, I'm not at liberty to give out personal information." 

Mamoru nearly screamed. "Fine. Tell my... tell Hokori-san that I'm leaving early today. And if he doesn't accept that for an answer, then tell him I'll talk with him later." Then he ran out of the building, leaving a stunned Nagoya to wonder what had just happened. 

Mamoru couldn't remember when he had ever run that fast before. Relying on his memory, he retraced the way to Usagi's apartment but faltered when he realized he didn't know which number she lived at. It wasn't the same apartment that he remembered. Scanning the call list outside the door, he gave a sigh of relief when he found her name. Pressing the call button next to 5E, he waited anxiously for a response, but being the impatient person he was, he pushed the button repeatedly. 

Finally, a rather weak voice came through on the other line. "Whoever you are, you've picked a bad time to call." 

"Usagi?" 

Silence. "Mamoru-san? What are you doing here?" 

"I was worried when you didn't show up to work this morning." 

A couple of hoarse coughs followed. "Well, you can probably tell that I'm not feeling my best. I appreciate your concern, but I'll be fine." 

He sighed. "Please, Usagi-san, can I please come up?" 

There was another moment of silence. "Aren't you afraid of getting sick?" 

"No, I just want to help you get better." 

"...well, if you're sure..." 

***** 

"I hope you're not too shocked at my appearance," Usagi said, trying to laugh but ended up in a fit of coughing. Mamoru immediately led her over to the couch where she collapsed in a cloud of used tissues strewn all over. 

He smiled. "That's not important, Usagi. You just need to get better." Walking into her kitchen, he filled the kettle with water from the sink and set it on the stove to boil. "I'll make you some tea. That will help a little." 

"Mamoru-san, can I ask you something? It's kind of personal," Usagi said while blowing her nose for the umpteenth time. He came out from the kitchen and stood at the end of the couch. "What is it, Usagi?" 

She clutched an unused tissue in her hands. "Well... I was just wondering... we've been working together for a year, right? So why are you so nice now? You weren't like this before, especially when we first met. But I don't need to remind you about that." 

Mamoru stiffened. Aside from their first few meetings, he didn't know how he had acted before either... but how could he tell Usagi that? _'Oh, by the way Usako, you don't realize it, but you and I are hopelessly in love.'_ Oh yeah. That would go over REAL well. 

"Mamoru-san?" 

"Oh, sorry. My mind was somewhere else for a moment," he apologized. "I'm not sure why things changed all of a sudden. Maybe it's because I wanted to get to you on another level than just our work. I hope you don't mind." 

Usagi smiled. "No, not really. It was just a sudden change. I was pretty professional and so were you." 

"We can still be professional," Mamoru replied, sitting down on the couch next to her, "but we just don't have to take it so seriously." 

She nodded. "I tend to stress out over minor things. I wonder if that's why I got sick. It's either that or something I ate last night." 

Before he could reply, the kettle began to whistle loudly. "You think it might have been something from the restaurant?" he asked as he dropped the tea bag into the mug. 

"I don't know... but I just got sick so suddenly, so it seemed like a logical explanation." Mamoru brought the warm mug over to her and she took a sip. 

Mamoru placed a gentle hand on her forehead. "You're just a little warm. I think you caught one of those 24 hour bugs, but you'll live." 

She giggled. "Thank you for your diagnosis, Mamoru-sensei," she teased. 

He leaned over and hugged her. "I'll stay until you fall asleep." Usagi's eyes widened, suddenly glistening with tears. "Thank you, Mamoru-san. You're a good friend." Having finished off the tea, Usagi leaned back into the sofa pillows and closed her eyes. A few minutes later, he heard her breathing deepen and he knew she had fallen asleep. Getting up from the couch, Mamoru brushed the stray bangs out of her face, then impulsively leaned over and softly kissed her forehead. 

"Sleep well, Usako..." 


	6. six

"Touch the dawn,   
Reach for the horizons,   
Stretched upon the farthest corners of the earth." 

Touch the Dawn 6/10   
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]   
Rated PG/PG-13 

"Usagi? What are you doing here?" Mamoru asked incredulously, holding the door to his apartment open. He was surprised to see her standing there, though it had been one week since she had first fallen ill. Turned out that her sickness had been just a sinus infection. Thankfully Usagi recovered quickly. 

She grinned brightly, her arms laden down with bags of groceries. "I thought I would repay your kindness by cooking dinner. You haven't lived until you've tried my specialty!" She set the bags down on his kitchen counter and rummaged through them while Mamoru looked on in amusement. 

"Can I... help?" 

Usagi placed both of her hands on Mamoru's shoulders and smiled sweetly, then shoved him out of the kitchen. "You'll only disturb the creativity process. Go find something to keep you busy, and I'll let you know when it's ready." 

"But I thought you didn't know how to cook," he pointed out. 

"How would you know if you've never tasted it?" When he didn't move from the doorway, her hands flew to her hips and she gave him a mock glare. "Out!" she yelled, giggling at the same time. 

"I'm going, I'm going," he chuckled, retreating from Usagi's newly called territory. He entered the living room and sat down on the couch, thinking of something to do. Just as he picked up a magazine from the coffee table, a loud crash sounded from the kitchen. Mamoru jumped up, dropping the magazine. "Don't worry, Mamoru-san! Everything's fine, I just had a little trouble getting the saucepans and the pressure cooker out of the cupboard!" 

He fell back to the couch in relief, and a tiny smile crept onto his lips. _'Oh, Usako... some things never change...'_

****** 

"Are you ready to be amazed?" Usagi stood in the doorway, a big smile framing her face. Mamoru took one look at her and chuckled. She frowned. "What are you laughing at?" Taking her by the hand, he led her over to the mirror so she could see for herself. Usagi gasped, then collapsed into giggles. Her normally perfect hair stuck out in several different directions, and traces of flour streaked her cheeks. 

She blushed and hid her face. "I didn't realize how bad I looked." 

Mamoru placed his hands on her shoulders. "I think you look fine just the way you are." 

Usagi ducked her head again. "Um... do you mind if I cleaned myself up a little before we ate? I'd feel foolish if I sat down looking like this." 

He pointed the way to the bathroom, and she grabbed her bag and rushed in. "I'll just be a few moments, Mamoru-san. Don't go peeking in the kitchen!" she ordered. 

Mamoru laughed. Usagi was certainly something else... maybe she was starting to warm up to him after all. He could only hope. Looking about the apartment, he got to work to making the room presentable. 

A few moments later, Usagi stepped out of the bathroom, hair fixed and face perfected. As he was putting the finishing touches on the table, he turned and saw her standing there and he couldn't help but stare in amazement. 

"Is something the matter, Mamoru-san?" Usagi looked down at herself, trying to find any spots she had missed. 

He walked over to her and took her hands in his. "Nothing is wrong, Usagi. You look perfect. I didn't know anyone could look so beautiful." 

She blushed again. "Stop it," she stammered. "I mean every word," he affirmed. "You just have to believe me." 

She tried ducking her head again, but Mamoru gently placed his hand beneath her chin, forcing her to look at him. "What happened to the confidence you always have at the office? That same confidence that's kept me from doing this for so long," he murmured, leaning in close to Usagi. 

His mouth was just inches away from hers, so close that he could feel the heat of her blush as his lips descended dangerously near hers. In one swift moment, Mamoru's lips brushed the side of Usagi's cheek, edging closer and closer to her lips. Finally, he could reclaim what he had been missing for so long... 

Just then, the timer went off in the kitchen. 

Usagi slipped from Mamoru's arms and retreated into the kitchen, leaving him standing in the middle of the room, too stunned to speak. In that split second, she slipped right through his grasp. 

And at that moment, Mamoru made up his mind to get what he wanted this time. He stepped into the kitchen and stared at Usagi, her back facing him as she tended to the dinner entree sitting in the oven. As she placed the dish on the counter, Mamoru came up behind her, and gently rested his hands upon her waist. 

The dish fell to the counter with a heavy clunk. "Usagi," Mamoru said softly, not moving his hands nor allowing her to move away. "Why do you keep running away from me?" 

Her hands clenched the potholders surrounding the dish. "I'm not running away. What makes you think that?" 

"Because every time I try to get even remotely close to you," his hands tightened about her slim waist now, "you somehow manage to slip away from me." 

Her hands suddenly dropped to rest on top of his and she turned to face him. "Mamoru, I'm not really sure what you're trying to accomplish. I know you're interested in me, and I can't deny that I'm attracted to you too. But you keep forgetting that we work in the same office, and that our relationship really shouldn't go any further than that. It would... complicate things." 

"Complicate?" Mamoru echoed. "I think things are far beyond mere complication, especially now that you've admitted that you're attracted to me," he grinned as only a man could. "You've just made things a whole lot smoother, Usagi." His hands were now resting on her upper arms. "Tell me the truth. Is the work relationship the only thing that's keeping you from getting close?" 

She didn't meet his eyes at first. "Mamoru-san... why do you want to change things between us?" Then she looked up, locked gazes with him and suddenly blushed. "I... I really have to take care of this food, or else it might spoil." Usagi tried turning back to the counter, but he wouldn't let her out of his grasp. 

"The food can wait," he said firmly, taking her back into his embrace. "Usagi, look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't feel something stronger than friendship between us." 

Unshed tears shone in her eyes as she stared at him, then she shook her head. "I can't." 

"Then why are you pushing me away?" 

The tears escaped down Usagi's cheek. "I don't want to get hurt," she whispered. 

Mamoru reached up and brushed the tears away with the pad of his thumb. "I will never, ever hurt you," he affirmed, smiling tenderly at her. 

Usagi gasped and started to say something in return, but Mamoru swiftly cut her off by capturing her lips with his own. The food long forgotten, she did nothing but stand there in shock at first. But ever so slowly, as if it were a deeply hidden instinct, her arms made their way to Mamoru's shoulders, one hand snaking its way through his thick black hair and the other pressed against his back as if she were holding on for dear life. 

Mamoru, on the other hand, was in heaven. He had waited for this moment after waiting so long to get his darling Usako back. Perhaps things weren't quite back to normal, but as long as he had her, he could survive. 

Suddenly Usagi wrenched away from him, her chest heaving from lack of air, and her eyes shone with tears of... something Mamoru couldn't recognize. Somehow, she seemed to be afraid of him. 

"That didn't just happen," she mumbled, still slightly in shock. 

Mamoru couldn't suppress his grin. "Oh, but it did." 

Usagi shook her head wildly. "I... I can't. I have to go, I can't stay... just forget this ever happened." She fumbled around for her jacket and bag and practically sprinted for the door. "I guess I'll see you at the office," she called out and the door slammed behind her. 

Back in the kitchen, Mamoru stared at the cold food Usagi had so carefully prepared. Placing his hands flat on the counter, he fought back against the torrent of emotions waging war inside him. 

He was back to square one. 


	7. seven

BIG thanks go to CP for the beautiful verse below. 

Can you hear the music?   
It tells our star-crossed story --   
Of a dream that wasn't meant to be dreamt   
Of a love that wasn't meant to be but is   
Constantly forever   
It aches deep within our souls   
Constantly forever   
Until the day we touch the dawn   
Only then can everything be all right   
Only then can we be free 

Touch the Dawn 7/10   
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]   
Rated: PG/PG-13 

Mamoru had a rough time looking Usagi in the eye the next day at work. They both went about work as usual, but there was less conversation and a slight amount of friction in the air between them. The other co-workers had noticed the silent treatment they were giving each other, but no one dared mention it-it wasn't any of their business anyway. 

But someone else decided to make it his business. Hokori had been watching the two throughout the week, noting the distinct changes in their behavior towards one another. He didn't like what was going on. Something had to change, and it looked like he was the only one who could do something about it. 

****** 

Dropping several file folders onto the desk with a loud thud, Mamoru faced Usagi, who was sitting across the room at her desk just like usual, going over client files. "Usagi," he said once, quiet enough that if she had been listening intently she would have heard. "Usagi," he said again, but still getting no response. "Usagi-san!" Mamoru raised his voice, finally receiving a reaction from her. She threw her pen on the desk in frustration and stood up. "What do you want, Mamoru-san?" Usagi replied coolly, pushing up the thin frames of her glasses. 

"We need to talk." 

She glared at him, pretending to be interested in the work again. "If you're referring to the events of the other day, I don't want to talk about it. As far as I'm concerned, it never happened." 

"However, I can't, nor will I forget." 

Usagi's eyes narrowed. "Do you expect me to throw myself into your arms, begging for you to carry me away off into the sunset? Sorry, but this is no Harlequin romance, and you are certainly not the brawny man I ever pictured." 

"I never thought I'd look good with long hair anyway," Mamoru retorted, walking over to her desk. "And how would you know if I'm brawny? You've certainly never seen enough of me to be able to judge accordingly." 

She stared at him, not a crack in her emotionless mask. "You know, you're just like all of them. All you want is one thing from a woman, and you expect her to fall helplessly just by turning on that false charm of yours. You may have charmed me once, but I assure you, it will never happen again." 

"Oh really?" Mamoru smirked. "Then how do you explain the fact that I'm the only man who's ever been able to do this?" And before she could reply, he bent down and swiftly claimed her lips with his. A muffled gasp escaped from Usagi, then all was silent. 

Moments after he had claimed his victory, Usagi wrenched away from him, her shaking fingers touched her bruised lips and her chest heaved from lack of air. 

Mamoru stayed in the same place, his eyes sparkling with triumph and desire. "You kissed back," he murmured quietly. "If there had been any truth to what you just said, you wouldn't have kissed me back." 

"Believe me, it won't happen again," she said bitterly, reaching to slap him like she had previously. Mamoru caught her arm just inches away from his face. "I learned from the first time," he replied. 

Usagi yanked out of his grasp. "What do you want from me? Is working together no longer enough for you? Now you think you have to conquer me in order to please your father or something?" 

Mamoru's eyes narrowed at her accusation. "Don't bring him into this, Usagi. He has nothing to do with it." 

She realized she had struck a nerve. "Actually, he has everything to do with it. This is his company after all, I'll bring him into it if I please. You can't even bring yourself to call him your father, why is that?" Usagi suddenly asked, focusing her gaze upon Mamoru's troubled face. 

He turned away. "He hasn't doesn't anything lately to prove he's worthy of the title. We haven't been all that close for a long time, really. Besides, since he's my employer, it's more professional for me to refer to him as such, and not take advantage of whatever relationship we have. If anything's going to happen in that area, then it's up to him to come to me first." 

"Why do you dislike him so much?" 

"How would you feel towards a man that you hardly remember, then all of a sudden shows up in your life without any explanation?" When Usagi didn't reply, Mamoru shook his head. "It's really none of your business anyway." 

"But--" 

"I said it's none of your business," he replied crisply. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to finish, as do you." Mamoru returned to his desk and sat down, avoiding Usagi's questioning gaze. 

The silence was penetrated by the annoying buzz of the intercom resting on Mamoru's desk. "Yes?" he responded while pushing the talk button. "Your father wishes to see you in his office, Mamoru-san. He said it was quite urgent." 

"I'm on my way," Mamoru replied, cutting off the transmission. Without saying a word to Usagi, he left the room and went down the hall towards Hokori's office. 

Hokori was just ending a phone call when Mamoru entered. The older man smiled slightly and motioned for his son to sit in a chair close by. "You're probably curious as to why I asked you in here. We haven't had much of an opportunity to talk lately, Mamoru. Is anything on your mind?" 

"Not really," Mamoru replied woodenly. "Is this what was so urgent?" 

Hokori raised an eyebrow. "You seem to be in a rush. Tell me, how are things between you and Usagi? Your performance hasn't been evaluated lately so I suppose I'm a little in the dark in that respect." 

"We're... fine. Everything is fine and the work is getting done. Can I go now?" 

"Once you tell me what the big hurry is. Sit and relax for a moment. You mother mentioned she was worried about you, so I thought you might talk to me about it." 

Mamoru sat back in his chair. So that's what all of this was about. Nagisa must have spilled everything from their earlier conversation to Hokori. "Whatever Nagisa told you, I can take care of it on my own." 

The older man leaned forward, resting his arms on the desk. "I don't seem to understand why you call your mother by her first name. Perhaps it's some tactic to gain your independence, or it's stemming from your insistence that we as your parents don't really exist. I honestly wish you would give up that silly little game of yours." 

Before Mamoru could interrupt, Hokori kept talking. "But there was something else I wanted to talk to you about. You know of the annual company gala, correct?" 

Mamoru had no clue what he was talking about, but he nodded anyway. "Anyway," 

Hokori continued, "I want to make the best impression possible for our guests of honor this year, to show them that their valued time devoted to our company is not going to waste." 

"I don't quite see what this has to do with me." 

"You and Usagi-san are the best this company has to offer, so I would like the two of you to attend the gala together." 

"Together?" Mamoru gulped. 

"Yes, together," Hokori replied, "as in you escorting Usagi-san and spending the entire evening with her." 

Mamoru couldn't believe his ears. "You're not serious." 

"I'm quite serious. Think of it as an executive order." He reached into his pocket and drew out a small business card. "If you call this number, you'll find that all the arrangements have already been made. You don't even have to lift a finger." 

"And what if Usagi-san doesn't agree to this?" 

"She will, because like you, she is a very devoted employee." 

Mamoru pulled the card from Hokori's hand, grumbling under his breath as he got up to leave. "Oh, and Mamoru?" Hokori added with a smile, "don't disappoint the company. Everyone will be looking to you and your example." 


	8. eight

BIIIIIG thanks go to Lelu and Megs for helping me work out the kinks and giving me the inspiration I needed so much. 

and only if   
but never yet   
to touch the dawn   
to kiss the night   
to talk of love   
to embrace the pain   
but only if   
and never yet 

Touch the Dawn 8/10   
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]   
rated PG/PG-13 

Hokori had been right. One call to the number on the card and Mamoru suddenly found himself surrounded by every amenity he could ever need for the company banquet. He personally thought Hokori had overdone the whole thing, but who was he to argue when it was already paid for? 

Mamoru didn't have the heart nor the desire to break the news to Usagi. He figured she would find out eventually, seeing that the banquet was taking place tonight. Briefly wondering about her reaction, he chuckled lowly and went over his mental to-do list once more. 

He frowned slightly as he stared at himself in the mirror. He wasn't quite used to dressing so formally. The custom made tuxedo Hokori ordered was perfect, right down to the classy cuff links. Mamoru turned to the side and looked at his profile, finally deciding that he wasn't too bad looking. 

If this banquet was going to be a success in the eyes of the company, then he and Usagi were going to have to attempt being cordial to one another, at least while they were under the scrutiny of the public's eyes. What no one knew was that the separation and fighting with Usagi day after day was literally tearing Mamoru apart. He loved her so much that he couldn't bear to see her hurt, and he certainly didn't want to be the source of her pain. 

Perhaps this was his chance to redeem himself for all of his previous mistakes. Mamoru knew that he couldn't force Usagi to love him, so he would have to do his best to show her all of his good qualities. 

Tugging on the lapels of the tuxedo jacket, Mamoru gave his reflection one more glance and grinned. Tonight was certainly going to be a night to remember. 

****** 

Less than 6 hours later, Mamoru found himself standing outside Usagi's apartment, armed with a single pink rose. No sense in overdoing things tonight. He took a deep breath, praying that tonight would go smoothly. Knocking once on the door, he braced himself for the inevitable. 

Instead of Usagi answering the door, her voice echoed from inside. "Come in," she called, "I'm still getting ready." Mamoru let himself inside the apartment and stood in the entryway, feeling as nervous as one might on a first or blind date. He tried to shake off the feeling, but the nervousness just wouldn't go away. 

"Mamoru-san, you can sit down. Nothing is going to jump out and bite you," Usagi said from the other room. 

He blinked in surprise. "Were you expecting me or something?" 

Her laughter trailed down the hall. "I've known about tonight longer than you have. I don't know why Hokori waited so long to tell you." Usagi emerged from the other room, slipping a thin gauzy wrap around her slim shoulders. She stood in the middle of the living room, modeling her dress. "Well, what do you think?" 

Mamoru was speechless as he stared at Usagi, unable to take his eyes off her. A small smile appeared on his face as he watched her twirl around in her gown like a little girl with a brand new dress. Blue material delicately hugged her figure, then softly billowed out from the waist. Her hair was stylishly piled on top of her head with a few stray curls framing her face. 

He could barely hide his delight. "So you finally decided to show your true identity to me." 

"What do you mean?" 

He pulled out the rose from behind his back and offered it to her. "The only person I see before me is a beautiful angel." 

Usagi giggled and blushed. "And I must say you're looking quite the gentleman tonight." 

Mamoru stepped closer to her, taking her hands in his. "Usagi," he began, trying to choose his words carefully. "I know we've had times that we haven't gotten along. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you hated me for some of my recent actions. I want you to know that just because we're attending this banquet together, I don't expect it to disappear like it never happened. But I also don't want it to affect whatever future we may have together." 

Usagi placed her hand on the side of Mamoru's face and smiled tenderly. "I never hated you, Mamoru. I want tonight to be wonderful too. So let's start over. I forgive you, Chiba Mamoru." 

He looked surprised. "For what?" 

"For all the times you were a jerk. I know sometimes you tried to mean well, and maybe I didn't help the situation. One day I hope you'll be able to forgive me too." 

Mamoru leaned forward and gently kissed Usagi on her forehead. "There's nothing to forgive," he replied, offering her his arm to escort her out of the apartment. "Let's give everyone something to talk about, shall we?" He teased. The hallway filled with Usagi's laughter. 

****** 

"Mamoru, Usagi-san! I was beginning to think you two weren't going to come!" Hokori greeted the two as the entered the ballroom. 

Usagi smiled. "After the ultimatum you gave us, how could we not?" She then turned to Nagisa who was standing next to her husband. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Chiba-san. You must have your hands full trying to keep these two in line." 

Hokori and Nagisa laughed while Mamoru acted hurt. "So you're saying that I'm a handful?" 

"More than I can handle," Usagi retorted between giggles. 

Nagisa reached out to take Usagi's hands in hers, smiling warmly. "Mamoru didn't tell me just how beautiful and special you were. Please, call me Nagisa." 

"I'd like that, Nagisa-san." Usagi beamed and the two of them walked away from the men to talk. 

"She really is a beautiful girl," Hokori remarked to his son. 

"I've never met anyone else like her," Mamoru replied. "If only she would stop avoiding me." 

"Doesn't seem like she's avoiding you tonight," Hokori mused. 

"Tonight's different, I guess. Probably because you insisted the two of us to attend together. Tomorrow when we're back in the office, she won't even come near me, and if I approach her, she'll just use the same old excuse to keep me away from her." 

"And what excuse is that?" 

Mamoru rolled his eyes. "That company policy advises against employees dating each other. She brings it up nearly every day. It's starting to drive me crazy." 

Hokori chuckled. "I can't believe she takes that so seriously. I've only mentioned it once or twice, but it's certainly not a mandatory thing." 

Mamoru groaned. "Then you tell her that. She won't believe it from me." 

"If it will help your relationship with her, I'll be sure to mention it. If I haven't mentioned it before, I think you two work together well. Your partnership has done wonders for our business." 

The younger Chiba smiled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a dance to claim." 

Mamoru left Hokori's side and approached the two women. He held out his hand to his mother. "May I have the pleasure of this dance, milady?" Nagisa laughed and took his hand, leaving Usagi to admire their dancing. 

Joining the others out on the floor, Nagisa followed Mamoru's smooth lead. "Well, this is a surprise. When did you learn to dance so well?" 

He just smiled. "I picked it up somewhere along the way." 

She caught a glimpse of Usagi standing along the side, then looked up at her son to discover he was staring at the blonde as well. Nagisa smiled. "Have you told Usagi yet?" 

Mamoru switched his gaze to Nagisa, still somewhat distracted. "Have I told her what?" 

"How you feel about her, of course. It's so obvious by the way you keep looking at her." 

He shook his head. "I haven't found the right moment yet. Maybe later." 

"Mamoru, if you keep putting it off until later, it's going to be too late." 

"Well, what would your reaction be if someone suddenly blurted out that he was hopelessly in love with you, couldn't take his eyes off you, and would go to the ends of the earth and back just so he could make you happy?" An edge of sarcasm slipped into Mamoru's voice. 

Nagisa raised an eyebrow. "Is that how you truly feel about Usagi?" 

His gaze dropped to the floor and he nodded. "Sometimes I can't even express everything I feel for her into words." 

Nagisa gave Mamoru a gentle shove in Usagi's direction. "Then go tell her." He looked at her incredulously, but she only smiled back at him with a 'mother knows best' look on her face. 

Gathering all the courage he could muster, Mamoru began to approach Usagi, who still stood on the sidelines, engaged in some small talk with her co-workers. Suddenly a hand caught him from behind, and he stopped, thinking it was Nagisa with something else to say. 

The tall brunette hanging onto his arm certainly wasn't her. It as a fellow co-worker who worked on the same floor as he and Usagi, but he didn't know her all that well. "Mamoru-san... I was wondering..." she took a deep breath, "I was wondering if you would dance with me." 

Mamoru gulped, eyeing the distance between his position and Usagi, disappointed that he wasn't close enough. "Well, I..." 

The girl beamed, slipping her hand into his and placing the other on his upper arm. "Oh, I'm so glad! I've been waiting to dance with you all night!" 

"Now hold on a min--" But the girl didn't listen, taking the lead and dragging him back into the crowd. Mamoru caught one last glimpse of Usagi, still talking to the others, not seeing his trouble before the dancers swallowed him up again. 

Thankfully, the dance was a short one, though he didn't pay any attention to the obvious disappointment on the girl's face. He grimaced as he pushed his way through the crowd, feeling the pain in his feet from several misplaced steps. 

It was now or never. Mamoru approached Usagi from behind, placing his hand on her waist to get her attention. She whirled around, clearly surprised, but smiled when she saw him standing there. "Hey, stranger," she said with a grin, "I was wondering when you were going to show up." 

"I'm here now," he replied. "Wouldst the lady be so kind as to grace me with the pleasure of having this dance?" 

Usagi laughed and took his proffered hand. "Remind me to tutor you in Shakespeare. That was one of my better areas in school." 

They glided out onto the ballroom floor, gracefully dancing along to the swells and strains of the live orchestra. 

"You never told me you were such a good dancer," Mamoru commented, readjusting his grip on her waist, bringing Usagi's body closer to his. 

Usagi cocked her head and smiled impishly at him, causing his insides to melt. "You never asked." 

He laughed. "I should have remembered from the last time I danced with you, ne? I can't forget anything else from that night..." He leaned down and buried his face in her sweet-smelling hair. 

"Mamoru," Usagi murmured quietly, enjoying the attention he was showing her, but made no mention of it to him. "If you keep this up, people are going to think we're something more than what we really are." He grinned lazily, focusing his gaze upon hers. "Let them talk." 

Usagi found that she couldn't look away from Mamoru's eyes. The blue depths captivated her as if she was looking into the sea, longing to see the mysteries below. As the music swirled around the couple, everyone else in the room seemed to disappear. His hand came up and rested beneath her chin, holding it carefully like one would a fragile doll. Mamoru bent his head closer, swiftly closing the space between them. 

He just couldn't get enough of her. And at that moment their lips touched, firing up a passion and hunger deep within Mamoru that he hadn't realized existed within him all along. But what surprised him even more was that Usagi was responding to him with equal enthusiasm. 

Mamoru didn't care if people were watching them, or what they thought of the scene. If the world ended at this moment, he could care less. All that mattered was that Usagi was in his arms, gladly responding to his attention. 

Then the music ended, the lights came up, and the fantasy was over. Mamoru and Usagi separated and stared at each other, her cheeks flushed and eyes slightly glazed over. He spoke first. "We'd better find our table." 

She nodded. "Let me run to the powder room quickly and then I'll join you." 

He smiled and kissed her on the cheek, wishing he could re-create the previous moment. "I'll wait for you right here." 

He watched as she walked away, a small smile tugging at his lips. Leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes and let his mind wander. 

Unfortunately, it went down the wrong path. He thought of Usagi. Not the one that he knew now, but the one from his previous 'life'. The one who laughed, joked, and smiled with him through everything. Supported him. The one who understood the need to be alone after the photo album incident. The one who had been insecure. The one who needed him. 

Dimly, he wondered if it would ever be the same for the Usagi of this life. The one who seemed dependent on herself and herself only. The one who he had just passionately kissed less than five minutes ago. 

_'Am I forgetting my other life?'_

Shocked, his eyes flew open. _'What if... What if I can never... return to my other life?'_

But the bigger question that tugged at his mind, even though he tried to push it away, was... 

_'Would I mind if I never returned?'_

Little by little he had gotten used to having Hokori and Nagisa around. The parents he had always wished for as the other Mamoru, but had never been able to have. Through all the harsh comments and criticisms, he had come to love them. But it was still odd. He couldn't bring himself to acknowledge them as his parents. He didn't know why. 

_'I'm still holding onto my other life... but do I want to? Do I want to leave it so easily? Do I want to stay here? Could... could I ever be happy?'_

****** 

Usagi leaned over to inspect herself in the mirror, then applied a small amount of powder to cover up her flushed appearance. She had let herself get carried away back there... she couldn't let that happen again, no matter how right it felt. But the way he held her in his arms... so protective and warm... it was like coming home. 

She had never let herself feel like this towards anyone before. She never had the time to devote to a serious relationship, nor had she found the right person whom she was willing to open up to and completely trust... until now. 

Perhaps now it was time to hold on to what she had right in front of her. 

As she walked around the corner to exit the powder room, she caught wisps of the other ladies' conversation but didn't care to listen. 

Until she heard her name. 

"Did you see her with the CEO's son out on the dance floor? I couldn't believe my eyes! They were going at it like there was no tomorrow!" 

"Well, I've heard other stories from the girls who work on the same floor. They say Mamoru-san is completely gone on Tsukino. He's practically been stalking her and causing arguments on purpose just so he can get closer to her." 

"I'm surprised that the CEO hasn't caught wind of this already. I heard that he was planning for his son to meet someone from a fellow corporation in order to create a friendly merger." 

"I don't think Chiba-san would do that to his only son. Besides, isn't he already involved with another woman? Rika-san works on the same floor. I thought she mentioned something like that to me once." 

That was the last straw. Usagi stormed silently out of the restroom and back into the ballroom, where Mamoru was waiting patiently for her to return. He smiled as she walked up to him. "Hi," he said pleasantly, "I was beginning to think you got lost in there." 

Her hand connected with his cheek. "I almost trusted you," Usagi hissed, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I thought you were finally going to be different, but you really are just like all the others. All that charm you threw at me was just a lie." 

Mamoru covered his cheek with one hand, shocked at whatever had brought this on. He reached out to take her hand. "Usa, I don't understand. What's the matter?" 

She jerked away from him. "Don't call me that. And don't ever come near me again. You stay the hell away from me, Chiba Mamoru. I don't care what I have to do to get away from you, but heaven help me, I'll do it." She spun on her heel and fled the ballroom, leaving Mamoru and a few other bystanders in shock. 

Standing there in silence, he suddenly took off after Usagi. 

He couldn't lose her again. 


	9. nine

I must thank Megs, CP and Lelu for inspiring me in little ways that made this possible. I couldn't have psychoanalyzed the confusing character of Chiba Mamoru without their help. ^_~ 

Fallen horizon   
Of a bright darkness   
That leads me to my doom   
I close my eyes   
In wonderment   
Bedazzled by the beating   
Of our entwined hearts   
Once, forever,   
Constantly behold   
The etching forever   
That leaves no worry   
Only a single hope   
Of a beautiful dawn   
Touched by you and I 

Touch the Dawn 9/10   
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]   
rated PG/PG-13 

After searching half of the building, Mamoru finally caught up to Usagi waiting outside on the curb for a taxi. Without a word he walked up behind her and took her by the arm, forcing her to look at him. 

"Let go of me!" she screeched, struggling to get out of his grasp. "I told you to stay away from me! What part of that did you not understand?" 

"And you think I'm going to let you go without an explanation? That idea has about the same chance as a snowball in hell," Mamoru retorted, his temper flaring up. He grabbed both of her arms, holding her tight. "You have been nothing but trouble for me from the very beginning but I don't care. I am not about to let you walk out of my life, Tsukino Usagi." 

She gave him a bold look. "You think you're going to stop me? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't step off this curb and away from you forever." Mamoru tried pulling her closer, but she managed to wriggle out of his grasp. "Whatever you say to me is not going to change things. After what I heard in there, I can't bring myself to believe you ever again." 

Mamoru stiffened. "What did you hear?" 

Usagi wiped at her eyes, but it did no good. "I overheard some women in the powder room talking... at first I didn't pay attention, but then they mentioned my name, and your name... one of them said you were seeing another woman, and I didn't want to believe it, but when I saw you dancing with someone else..." 

"And you actually believed them?" Mamoru laughed bitterly. "I never thought you were that gullible, Usagi." Then he ran one of his hands through his hair. "As for the 'other woman,' she intercepted me when I was trying to ask you to dance. I don't even know her name." He leaned over and whispered in her ear. "I didn't know you were watching me." 

She turned away from him, feeling guilty, angry and frustrated all at once. "I was even more confused after our 'exchange' while we danced... I didn't know what to think." She shivered as a cool evening breeze blew by, causing her thin wrap to dance about her arms. 

Immediately Mamoru had removed his jacket and placed it about Usagi's shoulders. She smiled at him gratefully, a few tears still trailing down her cheeks. Reaching into his pocket, Mamoru pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed gently at her cheeks. Then he took her by the arms and gazed firmly into her eyes. "I want you to look at me now and tell me straightforward that you still can't believe a word I say." 

Usagi stared at him in silence for what seemed like an eternity, then she suddenly began sobbing loudly, covering her face with her hands. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." 

His hands encircled her protectively. "You had every right to act that way, considering the circumstances. I'm just sorry that you had to overhear all of that." 

"How can you stand there and forgive me for the hell I've put you through these last few weeks? Anyone else would give up and walk away," Usagi blurted out, still furious with herself. 

Mamoru only smiled. "I thought you would have realized by now that I'm not just anyone." He took Usagi's hand in his and gave it a slight squeeze. "Do you want to go back in?" 

"Not after all that." 

"Neither do I. I'll go call a taxi and let someone know that we're leaving." He started to walk back inside, but turned around again. "You'll still be here, right?" 

Usagi smiled for the first time since their argument. "Yes, I'll wait for you to come back." Her response was all he needed as he went inside. 

****** 

After driving around the city for an hour, they finally ended up at Mamoru's apartment. He quickly exchanged his tux for some more comfortable clothes and rummaged up a sweatshirt and a pair of too-small pants for Usagi. She flopped down on the couch while he entered the kitchen to prepare some tea. 

"You know," she began, "this is the first time I've been in your apartment, Mamoru. It suits you." 

Mamoru smiled stiffly as he pour the water into two cups. _'You said the exact same thing the first time you came here--but it wasn't same you.'_ He sighed. _'I can't make her remember me because the Usako sitting on my couch is not the one I've spent the last five years with. No matter what, I'll always love her, though she may never know it.'_

He set the cups on a small tray and carried them out to the other room, where he set it down on the table in front of the couch. Usagi picked up one cup gratefully, blew on it, and then sipped at it. Her eyes widened. "This is delicious, Mamoru! How did you learn to make it?" 

"My mother taught me." The words slipped out before he fully realized what he said. Choking on his tea, Mamoru struggled to breathe and Usagi worriedly stared at him. "Are you all right?" 

Waving her off, he replied, "I'm fine, I'm fine," while trying to catch his breath again. When he finally calmed down enough to speak, he said, "Now where was I?" 

"You said your mother taught you to make this." 

Mamoru flinched. How could he have said that so easily? As he thought long and hard about it, he truly could not remember such a memory, though it seemed so logical and true. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of a photograph sitting on the table next to the tea tray. Picking it up, he stared silently at the three figures within it, the shortest of them being him at 6 years old. 

Those faces... for the first time, he could see them clearly. He knew this photo with his eyes closed. 

These were his parents. 

It was the younger faces of Chiba Hokori and Nagisa. 

He sat back on the couch, still clutching the frame. Usagi leaned over, took one look at the picture, then looked into his face. "Are you sure you're all right?" 

A few moments passed, then he nodded. "I just realized something very important, that's all." A slight smile came to his face, then without warning, Mamoru scooped Usagi into his arms, crushing her body to his. 

"Mamoru!" Usagi squealed in surprise, but he didn't let go. 

"Promise me you'll never leave me alone, Usagi," his muffled voice whispered. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Just promise me." 

Finally her arms came up and she held Mamoru like she would a frightened child. "I promise. Now what is this all about?" 

He took a deep breath, and searched for the right words. "Have you ever felt like the life you were living wasn't real?" 

Usagi pulled back and looked at him strangely. "I don't understand." 

Shaking his head, Mamoru placed his hands on his face, rubbing gently at his eyes. Looking up at Usagi again, he proceeded to tell her the entire story, starting the night of the photo album incident and then describing each day as it happened, portraying his feelings and thoughts to a point where even he couldn't believe them. 

By the time he finished, Usagi couldn't help but stare at Mamoru with sadness and a little bit of confusion shining in her eyes. "So let me see if I understand. There's another me out there somewhere with whom you're madly in love. But somehow, you find yourself in this other life with me and you're trying to make me into her?" 

"I know you probably don't believe me, Usagi. I'm finding it hard to believe my own twisted memories myself. In all honesty, I can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy anymore. One moment I'm begging myself to wake up, then the next minute I'm convincing myself to accept this strange new life." 

Mamoru quickly brought his head up and locked gazes with Usagi, taking her hand in his. "Having this chance to know my parents completes what I've been missing all along. I've watched others accept love into their lives and I wondered why it wasn't that easy for me. But I think I've finally realized why. No one was there for me while I was growing up so I didn't know how to give and accept real love. Even when you--the other you, I guess--came into my life and offered your love, I wanted to respond to you so much. But I was forcing myself, and now I see what I was doing wasn't real. 

"So now I want you to know one thing. No matter what I've been through, I need you with me. It doesn't matter if you can barely tolerate being in the same room with me for 5 minutes. What's important is how I feel about you, Tsukino Usagi. I don't know if you've noticed lately, but I find awfully hard to be without you. I know I've hurt you unintentionally, and more than anything I wish I could erase that." He sighed, unconsciously playing with her hand and locking their fingers together. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you too much to let you go." 

Usagi's blue eyes widened, tears trailing down her cheeks. She inhaled deeply. "This doesn't seem fair to me, Mamoru. Maybe we are the same person to you, but I can only be me. I can't be forced into being like someone else. I hope you don't expect me to become like this other Usagi you mentioned." 

He turned away. "I know that now. I could never ask you to become like someone else." 

"Mamoru... I have to be honest. You are very attractive, but you were just a co-worker to me and that was as far as I was willing to let it go. But," she continued before he had a chance to interrupt, "that was before your attitude changed, and now I know why. You showed me another side to myself that I hadn't seen before. I know I was difficult towards you, that will probably never change," she said with a laugh. "But what I do know is that you showed me there was more to life than just work." She placed her free hand on his cheek and smiled tenderly. "You showed me how to live. And for that I will always be grateful." 

He leaned into her hand, willing his emotions to stay in check. "Usa... do you even know how much you mean to me?" 

She shook her head, smiling through her tears. "Not nearly as much as you mean to me." 

Mamoru gasped and swooped Usagi into his arms, afraid that if he let her go now she would disappear. This was what was missing from his other life. He loved Usagi and she loved him in return, but there had always been an emptiness where the reassurance should have been. 

Now he knew. 

****** 

"So what did she say when you finally told her?" Nagisa pressed, her eyes following Mamoru as he sat down at the table with two cups of tea. 

"At first she didn't say anything, so I thought she had gone into shock or something," he answered, setting a cup in front of her. "She was somewhat uneasy with the knowledge that I loved her in this other life of mine, but then we started talking and didn't stop for the next 4 hours. It was amazing. I don't think I've ever done that before. Not with Usagi." 

Nagisa smiled. "So you cleared up everything? Things are making sense now?" 

For a moment he was silent, staring into his teacup. "I know you're going to think this sounds strange, but the fact that I was able to know you and Hokori is what made everything fall into place for me. From the beginning, this life has seemed like just a dream, so I didn't bother to understand you or anyone else's feelings. But now? I don't know where to begin." 

Nagisa laid her hand on top of Mamoru's. "You're right, I was very confused in the beginning, but now I think I'm beginning to see why all of this happened." She smiled thinly, trying to grasp her emotions. "Ever since the day of the accident, I've looked at life much differently. If I had known that you remembered that day so clearly, I would have told you this sooner." 

He raised an eyebrow. "Told me what?" 

"Your father and I realized that we didn't have our life in order after our brush with death, but ironically before it happened, we decided to organize all of our possessions and made sure everything was seen to accordingly. Now if something should ever happen, you will be taken care of." 

"But nothing's going to happen for a long time," Mamoru started to protest. 

Nagisa held up her hand. "You don't know that. I don't know that, and neither does your father. So just think of it as 'just in case.'" She then pulled out an envelope from her coat pocket. "Of course you're old enough to understand all this, but this letter explains it all. Please keep this in a safe place, Mamoru." 

"You keep it. If I ever need it, then I'll know where to find it," he replied, not wanting to deal with this sort of information right now. 

Nagisa frowned slightly, then slipped the envelope back into the pocket. "All right. But just remember that you'll see this again, whether you like it or not." She sipped the last of her tea and stood up. Mamoru stood up with her. "I shouldn't have come over so late. You need your rest after such a hectic weekend." Reaching over, Nagisa pulled him into a warm embrace. "I'm proud of you. Don't you ever forget that." 

Mamoru hugged her tightly. "I know. Thank you... Mother." 

Nagisa pulled back, tears shining in her eyes when she heard the term of endearment come from her son's lips. "Good night, my son." 

"Good night," he replied, shutting the door after her. He stood there for a moment, lost in his thoughts, then made his way to the bedroom where he flopped down onto the bed and immediately closed his eyes. 

****** 

Sleep came rather quickly that night, and soon Mamoru entered the dream world. Tonight a familiar scene haunted his dreams since he had been thinking about it so much recently. 

He was six years old again, excitedly sitting in the back seat of the car while his mother and father up front were animatedly talking about what they had seen during their trip to the country. Mamoru's face was pressed up against the window as they rounded the bend of the mountain. So many things to see... he wished he could take it all with him. 

"Hokori!" his mother suddenly screamed. "Look out!" Mamoru pulled away from the back window just as his father swerved the car to avoid an oncoming car that was driving down the wrong side of the road. His body tumbled against the padded seat, and he cried out in pain as his head smacked the door. 

He couldn't stop the pain. Then there was nothing to hold onto. 

He was falling... 

falling.... 

falling...... 


	10. ten

Brush against the reality   
Of what we cannot see   
A broken link, a dream forever   
Only to fail to fall within our hearts   
And so instead we   
  
Ignore the breaking of reality   
It doesn't matter, no matter how loud it is   
But instead dream of nothing   
Dream of everything, and then stop   
Forget it all and just   
  
The shattering of our hearts   
Ignore it, please, don't care   
For caring pushes us too far, does us too little   
Because we just know, no matter   
How much we touch the dawn—   


We break anyway.   


Touch   
Reach out   
Feel the heat   
The aching   
Of nothing 

Touch the Dawn 10/10   
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]   
Rated PG/PG-13 

  
  


Mamoru bolted upright in bed, chest heaving up and down at a rapid pace. Releasing his firm grip on the blanket, he stared groggily at the opposite wall, trying to make sense of that bizarre dream-or nightmare, what ever it was. He blinked to clear his vision, then blinked a second time. 

He hadn't dreamt of the accident for many years, but every time it happened he remembered it perfectly. The last time had been nearly 10 years ago, when he was still living at the orphanage. 

Orphanage...? Why had such a memory crossed his mind all of a sudden? 

Wasn't he...? 

Didn't he...? 

Mamoru shook his head. It couldn't be. After all that time getting used to new people and a new way of living, he was whisked away from it. One more glance around the room confirmed his suspicions. 

There was no doubt about it. 

He was home. 

****** 

Leaning against the kitchen counter, Mamoru silently sipped at his tea and stared out into the torrential downpour. It was one of those days that was only good for two things: lying around the apartment or cleaning like a madman. 

Of course, Mamoru chose the latter. 

He spent all morning and a good part of the afternoon re-organizing his bedroom, coat, and linen closets, arranging objects that had fallen or been misplaced since the last time he cleaned. Mamoru wasn't a neat freak, of course, he just liked things to be in their place. 

At all times. 

But it wasn't until he came to the last shelf of the linen closet that he slowed his pace. At the back of the closet was a medium sized box, slightly worn with age. His fingers brushed over its lid, telling its life story with just a single touch. 

Taking the box delicately into his hands, Mamoru set it on his lap and opened it carefully, as if it belonged to Pandora. The only memories of his past remained alive inside the box, and he wasn't about to let any of them escape. Papers and mementos as well as other odds and ends collected during his younger years lined the cardboard walls, resting in their familiar positions until the time came when he moved them again. 

He brushed a few yellowed papers aside, smiling slightly while recalling the few and tender memories that were attached to them. The only thing that Mamoru really regretted about his 'memory' box was the lack of pictures. School assignments, projects and letters could only do so much. There was so much more that he wanted to have. 

Then a flat object resting against the side of the box caught his eye. An envelope Mamoru had never seen before inside his memory box. But as he turned it over and observed the handwriting on the front, reality suddenly caught up with him. 

In an all-too familiar scrawl, his name was the only thing written on the envelope, but he didn't have to guess where it came from. 

It was the writing of Chiba Nagisa, his mother. 

****** 

He was on his fifth cup of tea. It was all he could do to keep himself occupied and keep his mind off that envelope--the same envelope he saw in Nagisa's hands just the day before. 

_'Had it only been since yesterday? It seemed like a lifetime ago...'_

It lay untouched on the coffee table. Mamoru just couldn't bring himself to open it. He didn't know why, though somewhere deep in his mind he believed that once he knew what was inside, the past would finally connect with his present and possibly affect his future. 

He wasn't sure if he wanted that. 

Placing the kettle on the stove, Mamoru started to prepare another cup of tea, while the rumbling of the thunderstorm continued to dampen his mood. Simultaneously, there was a loud crash of thunder, a sharp crack of lightning outside and a knock at his door. 

Surprised to have visitors in such bad weather, Mamoru crossed the room to answer the door. The moment he opened it, a wet blur of yellow and blue rushed at him, whimpering softly. He was shocked, to say the least. The damp bundle clung to his arms, shivering slightly as the rain dripped from the ends of her long blonde hair. 

"Usa..." His mouth could barely form the words as he held her trembling form. 

Sparkling blue eyes peered out at him from beneath her soaked hood. "I know it's late, but I wanted to see you, and then the storm started..." she trailed off, a sheepish grin on her face. "And you know how I am during storms." 

Mamoru just stared at her, taking her presence in all at once. Then he swept her up into an enormous embrace, paying no attention to the fact that she was dripping wet. 

"Mamo-chan?" Usagi replied, "You're awfully quiet. Are you still bothered over what happened last night?" 

Her words vibrated throughout his entire body, nearly sending him into shock. _'Last NIGHT?'_ Everything that had happened over the last few weeks for him was nothing more than a few hours? It was unreal. The numbness overcame his body and he stumbled over to the couch with no explanation. 

Usagi followed Mamoru's every move, clearly worried about his state of mind. He didn't seem like his usual self. She reached for his arm, on the verge of crying. "Mamo-chan...?" His body flinched at her sudden touch but he didn't move away. She bit her lip. "What did I do wrong?" 

He covered his face with his hands, trying desperately to suppress his feelings but failing fast. "Don't ever think you did anything wrong, Usa..." Mamoru whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. She stared at him in silence, her lip quivering while she attempted to keep her own emotions in check. 

Then Usagi caught sight of the thick white envelope sitting on the edge of the table. Picking it up, she examined it slowly, turning it over and seeing the handwriting on the front. "Mamo-chan, what's this?" 

Mamoru's head whipped up and his eyes widened when he saw Usagi handling the envelope. He sighed deeply, regaining his composure. He couldn't keep this from her any longer. He gathered Usagi into his embrace, burying his face in her sweet-smelling hair. "It's from my mother." 

Usagi stiffened. "Your mother? But how? Why did it take you all these years to find it? What's in it?" 

He placed a finger on her lips to quiet her. "I'm not really sure, I didn't know about it until recently, and I don't know." Taking the envelope into his hands now, Mamoru focused his gaze, almost as if he was willing it to open on its own. "I've been afraid to open it." 

She smiled tenderly, placing her hand over his. "Why don't we read it together?" Mamoru visibly relaxed. The amount of love he felt for this woman sitting next to him was well beyond his understanding. Usagi pulled the envelope open, removed a folded paper and started to read. 

_"'For our dear Mamoru, _

As much as I hate to think about it while I write this, I know that you'll only be reading this if something happens to your papa and me. I can't even begin to think of not being there for you when you will need us, but the gods determine our fate. 

Your papa and I love you, Mamoru. I never want you to forget that. There are times when the loneliness will seem overwhelming, but as long as you carry the warmth in your heart, it will never consume you. That same warmth will someday guide you to your destiny. 

Never be afraid of your feelings. I know that you will want to hide your true self after all the pain you will experience, but sometimes the pain can be the greatest teacher. My heart breaks as I think about your future, because we won't be there when you need us the most. Don't shut other people out of your life when they try to help. Building a wall around yourself will only bring you to a dead end. 

We love you, Mamoru. You have a special place in our hearts, and no matter where we are, that will never change. 

Love, Mama and Papa.'" 

Usagi silently re-read the letter several times before looking up, tears blurring her vision. Finally she glanced over at Mamoru, who had his eyes closed and tears running down his cheeks. "Mamo-chan, are you all right?" 

He swallowed hard and nodded. "I thought I knew how they felt. But I really had no clue. All this time, I thought that no one had ever truly wanted me. But my mother and father really loved me. I was loved." 

Usagi ducked under Mamoru's arm and snuggled against him. "You still are." Something else peeking out of the envelope caught her attention. "What else is in there?" 

Mamoru grinned. "Baby pictures." 

Usagi squealed and snatched them out of his grasp. "Now it's my turn to see Chiba Mamoru in diapers!" Jumping over the arm of the couch, Usagi darted out of the way as Mamoru lunged for her, but missed, catching a few strands of her long hair in his fingers. The sudden movement caused him to lose his balance, and he landed on his stomach on the sofa, then slipped and crashed on the floor. Moving quickly, he scrambled to his feet and grabbed at her as she giggled and flew to the other side of the room. 

After ten minutes of chasing each other around the apartment--Usagi giggling loudly and Mamoru doing a poor job of stalking her--they ended up back on the couch, breathing heavily. The photos dangled limply from Usagi's fingers and this time, he was able to snatch them away from her. Laying her head in his lap, Usagi listened quietly as Mamoru showed her the pictures one by one, mentioning stories she had never heard him talk about before. It was like seeing a completely new side to Mamoru, one that only deepened the love she had for him. 

When they had seen all the pictures, Mamoru finally began to relate his experiences that had taken place the night before, though it still felt like weeks to him. He spoke of the difficulties he had with the 'other' Usagi, how hard he tried to get her to like him, and at the end when she finally realized the truth. 

Usagi looked up at Mamoru, her gaze full of love. "I'm glad you came back to me, Mamo-chan, even though you were never really gone. In the end, even though you could have had someone more perfect than I could ever wish to be, you still chose me. When I met you, I knew I was strong inside and I could live my life even if you weren't always by my side. But I would never want you to leave me... because I need you." 

He looked down at the girl laying in his lap, smiling tenderly. "All that really matters is that I'm with you, Usako," he said quietly, placing a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. "The love I have for you will last forever, from day to night, dawn til dusk. Before I was afraid to show you how I felt. But not anymore. Knowing that I had always been loved opened that last door that I had always been afraid to unlock. It led to my happiness, which will always lead to you." 

  
  


  



End file.
